Lily Tomlin Quotes

I said "Somebody should do something about that." Then I realized I am somebody.  ~ Lily Tomlin


The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.  ~ Lily Tomlin


We're all in this alone.  ~ Lily Tomlin


The best mind altering drug is the truth.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed.  ~ Lily Tomlin


If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?  ~ Lily Tomlin


Why is it that when we talk to God we’re said to be praying, but when God talks to us we’re schizophrenic?  ~ Lily Tomlin


Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.  ~ Lily Tomlin


No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up.  ~ Lily Tomlin


Does your mind feel more and more like teflon? Nothing sticks to it?  ~ Lily Tomlin


If you read a lot of books, you're considered well-read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well-viewed!  ~ Lily Tomlin


When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.  ~ Lily Tomlin


I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.  ~ Lily Tomlin