George Burns Quotes

Date of Birth: January 20, 1896    Date of Death: March 09, 1996

Nathan Birnbaum was the ninth child of Louis and Dorothy Birnbaum. His father died of influenza when Nathan was only seven years old. He began helping his family by doing odd jobs.  It was during this period that he realized he wanted to be in show business. He entertained in whatever ways he could such as singing and dancing in vaudeville. It was during these early years that he began smoking cigars that he used in his acts. George eventually met his wife Gracie Allen and the two formed a great comedy partnership that lasted until Gracie’s death.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.  ~ George Burns

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.  ~ George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.  ~ George Burns

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.  ~ George Burns

I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.  ~ George Burns

I'd rather be a failure at something I enjoy than a success at something I hate.  ~ George Burns

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.  ~ George Burns

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.  ~ George Burns

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.  ~ George Burns

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.  ~ George Burns

Young. Old. Just Words.  ~ George Burns

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.  ~ George Burns

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.  ~ George Burns

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.  ~ George Burns

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.  ~ George Burns

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.  ~ George Burns

I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.  ~ George Burns

Sincerity - if you can fake that, you've got it made.  ~ George Burns

I thought to myself, 'why not write a bestseller?' In the first place, more people buy them and more people read them. You make more money and it doesn’t take any more time to write a bestseller than it does to write a book nobody buys.  ~ George Burns

Someone who makes you laugh is a comedian. Someone who makes you think and then laugh is a humorist.  ~ George Burns

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.  ~ George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.  ~ George Burns

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